Mom called me a tattle-tale brat and I don't even know why. All I know is that Elvis pee-peed on the living room rug. Twice! And he pooped in the laundry room. I saw it. And it was big and stinky. And it was right near the clean clothes basket and it made Mom nervous and she has to put up all the baskets now so he doesn't pee on them. And Mom says it's because he doesn't know any better and is still learning, but it's been three weeks and when is he gonna learn? And Mom keeps him in a crate sometimes so he doesn't pee everywhere, but that crate is full of boneys and toys and pigs ears and yummy treats and that don't seem like bad enough punishment to me. And Elvis chewed up the handle on one of Mom's baskets, even though his big stuffed fish and red ball were right next to it. But I ain't no tattle-tale. I just tells it as I sees it. And I don't like when we get tied outside together because I have the short leash and can't get to Mom as fast as Elvis and that makes me hoppin mad and jealous. And I bark and bark and lean on Mom real hard and Mom pushes me away 'cause she says I don't own her, an I am not the boss, but I do and I am. And the sooner these people 'cept it, the easier it will be for everybody.

Ain't I beautiful?

-Princess Molly